Lisa Oakley has a private investigator’s licence and a habit of walking into rooms where things have gone badly wrong. What she’s found: the conflict usually wasn’t the problem. The avoidance was.
Lisa Oakley: Conflict is data
Slideshow with Dave Hayward, Ep 3, Season 2 (#15)
Episode links:
Spotify | YouTube
In this episode of Slideshow, host Dave Hayward speaks with Lisa Oakley, Director and Lead Consultant at People Associates, about why workplace conflict is best understood as data — information your organisation is generating, whether you act on it or not.
The conversation covers the three types of conversations that prevent most workplace friction from escalating (expectation, accountability, and repair), a practical, hard-conversation framework drawn from problem-solving science, and why formal investigations often make things worse rather than better. Lisa also shares what she’s seeing on the frontier of workplace HR: AI-generated complaints that are genuinely difficult to authenticate.
There’s also a great discussion on the “I like, I wonder” technique for surfacing disagreement without damaging relationships — and why, in Lisa’s words, conflict without resolution is really just progress that hasn’t happened yet.
Links and things:
Dave Hayward: LinkedIn | Europa
Lisa Oakley: LinkedIn | People Associates
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Produced by Europa Creative Partners
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:00 Conflict is Data: The Core Reframe
03:00 Why Leaders Avoid Conflict (and What It Costs)
06:00 Intercultural Conflict in NZ Workplaces
09:00 The Three Conversations Every Leader Needs
12:00 A Problem-Solving Framework for Hard Conversations
15:00 Is This Relationship Recoverable?
18:00 Where Conflict Ends and Bullying Begins
19:00 What Leaders Get Wrong: Kindness Without Clarity
22:00 Delegating Conflict Upwards
24:00 PI Meets HR: AI-Generated Complaints
28:00 When Investigations Protract the Problem
31:00 The Art of a Real Apology
34:00 Conflict as Progress: The Boardroom Story
36:00 The “I Like, I Wonder” Technique
39:00 Wrap Up
Keywords
conflict resolution, workplace conflict, leadership, difficult conversations, people management, organisational culture, New Zealand business, team performance, mediation, psychological safety, accountability, leadership development, HR, high-performing teams, hard conversations
FAQ
What is “conflict as data” and why does it matter for business leaders?
Lisa Oakley’s core idea is that conflict isn’t a dysfunction to suppress: it’s information your organisation is producing. The way a team handles disagreement, friction, or tension tells you something about your culture, your clarity, and your leadership. Treating it as data rather than a problem to eliminate means you can actually learn from it and act on it.
How do you have a difficult conversation at work without making things worse?
Lisa outlines a practical framework drawn from problem-solving science: define the real issue (not the polite version of it), explore options without judgment, agree on what you can live with, and commit to a forward-looking plan. The key is intervening early, as most conflicts that escalate do so because nothing was said when the signal first appeared.
What are the three conversations every leader should be having?
Expectation conversations (being explicit about what good looks like), accountability conversations (closing the gap between expected and actual performance), and repair conversations (acknowledging when something went wrong and committing to doing it differently). Most workplace conflict, Lisa argues, traces back to one of these three conversations not happening.
Why do formal workplace investigations often make conflict worse?
Lisa draws on her experience as both an HR consultant and licensed PI to make the case that formal investigations are frequently the wrong tool — they protract conflict, divide teams, and often produce inconclusive findings. In most cases, a well-facilitated mediation or repair conversation gets a better outcome faster and at lower cost.
What is the “I like, I wonder” technique for managing conflict?
It’s a method for surfacing disagreement without putting someone on the spot. Instead of directly contradicting a view you think is wrong, you respond with curiosity: “I really like that you’re thinking about this. I wonder if…” It keeps the environment psychologically safe, invites dialogue, and avoids the kind of confrontation that shuts people down.
What does a private investigator have to do with HR and conflict resolution?
More than you’d think. Lisa’s PI licence is required under NZ law to conduct independent employment investigations. That work has given her a forensic perspective on how workplace conflict is documented, disputed, and resolved — including a front-row seat to the emerging challenge of AI-generated complaints, which are increasingly difficult to authenticate.
